Smells like Fascist Spirit

I have a lot of new Readers, here, for which I am grateful. Hi there! I want to introduce myself bit first. Many of you are people who don’t actually know me IRL, which is amazing! I’m excited to read all your Substacks!

So, my intro. I’m a speculative fiction writer, who works in big data at a big university. Most of this Substack is about middle-age (which I am), and things that go along with that. Adjacently, I write about caregiving for my mother (she’s had a rare form of pancreatic cancer since 2013 and lives in another state). And I write a lot about death. It’s usually on my mind. But I also write about shit that is fucked up, like our health care system, and how we treat aging folks, particularly aging women, and feminism. I write a lot about feminism. I write about trauma. I’m also a runner, and I sometimes write about that. And very occasionally, I write about writing. This Substack is a little bit of a grab bag. It goes all kinds of places.

So, welcome, Readers! I hope you like going places. Because we are off to the races.

Quite literally, in some ways. In just a few short days we’ve seen the end of federal DEI programs, the policing of people who might secretly support DEI programs, withdrawal from the World Health Organization, withdrawal from the Paris agreement, and honestly I’m not sure what’s worse: Elon’s Nazi salute, or the people saying that he’s just awkward.

Reader, I am awkward as hell and I still manage not be a fucking Nazi just fine.

Every day brings a fresh onslaught of tyranny. There are only two genders. Drill baby drill. No relief for California fires. Brought to you by people who claimed that they dislike big government.

When Trump first ran for office, and was up on that stage with the 49594797590 Republicans that somehow managed to not get nominated, I was at my mother’s house. When Trump took the podium and started talking, I suddenly realized that I knew him. Not literally. But that speech, that cadence, I knew this man. I looked at my mom and asked, “Who does he remind you of?” And without missing a beat, she exclaimed, “Your father!” And burst out laughing.

Now, to be clear, my father was not a fascist. But he was a grandiose, narcissistic alcoholic (and I want to be very clear and say that my father also suffered from trauma, as he actually went to war, and fought, and killed, and survived. I feel far, far, FAR more sympathy for my father, who was abusive, than I do for Trump.).

Narcissism is totalitarian. It’s controlling. It’s dominating. It’s power.

Obviously, domestic totalitarianism isn’t the same as what our country is experiencing. But it has the same flavor. And one of the things that I’ve been thinking about is how we can survive this. How we can refuse to succumb to the despair and how we can resist.

And it occurred to me that I already have the tools to do this. As a trauma survivor, I know how to endure. I know how to dig deep. I know how to hold on. I have a bunch of coping mechanisms, some less healthy than others, already at my disposal.

It’s not a skill set that I ever thought would come in handy again, but here we are.

And although I realize that it’s not much, it’s a start. Because I will never, ever, EVER succumb to an abuser. I’ve come too far. Fuck that.

And make no mistake, Trump is an abuser. And so are many of the men he’s appointing.

I’m reminded of things that helped me survive growing up. And I certainly didn’t think in these words when I was 9 years old. But now, looking back, I can put into words the feelings that I had, and the feelings that evolved as I learned and grew and experienced. So here is a short list of things that helped me endure:

1. Refuse. No one has power over you unless you grant it. Two genders is bullshit. The gender spectrum is well-documented, well-studied, and some puny little man-made decree isn’t going to change who people are. Don’t believe lies that people tell you about yourself. Refuse to believe them. Refuse to accept their opinions about you. Remember who you are.

2. Resist. There are ways to fight back. Through silence. Through shouting. Through learning. Through bettering yourself. Through carrying on. You don’t have to be idle. Write. Get a degree. Learn whatever you can find access too (and people can ALWAYS find access). Recycle. Conserve energy. Stop buying. Don’t use Amazon, or Facebook, or Instagram (or limit your use). Don’t buy anything from Facebook or Instagram ad (because that’s how they make money). Get creative. Mend. Invent. Grow your own food. Form a co-op.

3. Subvert. Do you have control over your house-hold purchase? Business purchases? Buy only local good. Buy only eco-friendly goods. Buy only from businesses run by marginalized folks.

4. Change what you can change. It might not be much. But everything you can do to assert yourself will make you feel better.

5. Read. There are better worlds out there. Dip into them as needed.

6. Make allies. Friends, family members, support networks, coffee groups, book clubs, find the people that are on your side. You are not alone. Networks are lifelines, sometimes literally.

7. Anonymous reporting. Anonymous resistance. Throw away email accounts. Burner phones. Use this for safe activism. Use this to speak out if you don’t feel safe. I’ve heard that some people use fake email accounts to flood ICE with fake messages so that they can’t go after immigrants. That’s just interesting information. Obviously not something I would condone. Did you know that a hex wrench can remove the middle handlebar from benches in the city that prevent people from lying down? Interesting!

8. Cash. Keep cash on hand. Cash is untraceable. Cash is quick and convenient. And barter. Trade services. Trade goods.

9. Cry as needed. Scream into a pillow. Go into the woods and let it all out. Etch whatever insults you need to into the dirt and erase them. Find equilibrium and take care of your emotional needs.

This list isn’t exhaustive. It doesn’t come close to being enough, and it’s not going to fix everything. I have no doubt that we will continue to lose our protections. We’re going to need a lot more than just endurance. But not everyone will be in a position to fight, because some of us are more vulnerable than others. That’s important to remember. And sometimes, persisting and surviving is enough.

But the most important thing to remember is that no one can ever, EVER take our divine, inalienable rights from us. We have the RIGHT to equality. We have the RIGHT to freedom. We have the RIGHT to dignity and respect. Legislation is human, and temporary, and while our legal protections may be revoked, and legal statuses to participate in our country in certain ways could be in jeopardy, our fundamental rights are unchanged. We have the RIGHT to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Don’t ever, ever believe anyone who tells you that you are lesser.

WE ARE EQUAL.

And we ARE the people. And that includes women. And racial minorities. And disabled folks. And queer folks. And poor folks. All of us, all kinds of us, we are the fucking people of the United State of America.

We matter. These are our rights. This is our country. And some fucking megalomaniac liar with a Sharpie can’t take it from us. Our choices, our actions, our voices matter.

Our inalienable rights have always been ours.

And they will continue to be, no matter what stupid ass legislation gets passed.

Act accordingly.